I was at the airfield at 0650 in the morning. So was the rest of the crew, except the test pilot. I was there, the avionics repairmen were there, the engine mechanics were there, the fuel team was there, and the flight crew chiefs were there. But no test pilot.

We were supposed to jump in the helicopter at 0700.

0655 comes, 0650 comes, 0700 comes, and the test pilot is not there.

I recently came home from a combat deployment, and I was doing the test pilot a favor by being his sandbag copilot while he tuned up the aircraft on a maintenance test flight. The test pilot was the pilot-in-command. Even though I was one of the top leaders and pilots in the unit, maintenance test flights weren't my thing. So, this morning's flight was his show. I know there weren't a lot of other pilots around to help, and the test pilot had asked me the day before, "can you help me out on a test flight tomorrow morning?" I said, "of course…what time should I meet you on the flightline?" He said, "0650".

It's 0710; he's still not there. I'm getting frustrated.

0715. Grrrr.

0720 rolls around, and the test pilot shows up.

His face is sullen. His head is kind of down.

I expected to hear bad news, that something happened that would justify him being late—a flat tire, someone is sick at home, something worse. 

Instead, he embarrassingly says, "Sorry I'm late; I overslept."

My response was anything but encouraging.

"What?! You overslept? This isn't basic training. This is an elite unit, and you are the test pilot; this is your show! You have a bunch of guys waiting here to fix an airplane so we can ship it overseas to our guys who need another helicopter to fight in the war. And you overslept?" 

His face became sullener. And he held his head even lower.

Yuck. I recoil at writing this, let alone thinking about my behavior. It's beyond cringeworthy.

One of the biggest bummers is that not only we did work together, but he was also one of my best friends.

More cringeworthy, and more unfortunately, I have about 1,482 other stories I could use as examples of how not to unload on someone for their mistake; from when I was in the military, working for a big business, in ministry, as a father. It's a long list.

There is a better way to remedy poor performance of a direct report than calling them on the carpet.

Instead of calling someone out, let's call them up. This is a great concept and tool from GiANT. 

The concept is simple. When we call someone out, it's embarrassing for them. Not only do they probably already know that they messed up, but now their mistake is being highlighted.

But we, as leaders, want to do the opposite. We want to be calling them up to what we know they are capable of doing (and what we hope and expect they will do). Instead of pointing down to their negative performance, we are pointing them up to the high bar we believe they can reach. This is more aspirational than confrontational. This is more where we want to go to (something better) than orbiting around where we were (in a bad place).

Going back to my situation with my buddy, the test pilot, I could have easily said something more encouraging. Such as, "you are an incredible test pilot, and I know you want to get this airplane fixed so we can get it deployed to our guys. Let's focus on that, and the next time I know we will be buttoned up on our show time."   

I've had a few people push back on me with this before and say it's too soft. That we are not challenging the person to perform better. I vehemently disagree. You don't have to call someone out to challenge them. By calling them up, instead, you are challenging them. You are challenging them to strive to hit the difficult target they haven't hit yet, but you believe they can. You are jumping in as a leader and fighting for the highest possible good of that person – and calling them up to a high aspiration that you want them to achieve. You are moving their eyes and mind off of the subpar performance and trying to get them to focus more towards high-level performance. You aren't fixated on what was bad but instead on what could be good.

What I've said to the few counterparts that think this approach to correction/leadership is not challenging is that they need to ditch the definition of challenging someone. They need to ditch the stigma that comes with "challenging," where you think it needs to be punitive, chastising, retributive, or reprising. They need to scrap the idea that you need to make someone feel bad, so they want to avoid feeling that way again, and now (because you have chewed them out), they will want to perform better and get praises – lest they get called out again, and again, and again.

It's kind of the old adage you get more bees with honey.

This is being more of a coach than a boss, a guide than a supervisor, and a mentor than an evaluator. This is, dare I say, being a great leader. This is being a leader that is fighting for the highest possible good of those they lead. The outcome is that your direct reports feel empowered. They feel excited about reaching their potential – and probably a higher potential than they realized before you called them up. This, for the direct report, is liberating. They aren't being grilled by a dominating boss, but rather encouraged by a leader who truly wants to see those around him/her succeed.

I've written a number of articles on leadership before. To be honest, this concept – hands down – is the hardest one for me to fully grasp. It's not hard to grasp in my mind; rather it's so hard to grasp on a tangible level where I can execute this behaviorally with great ease. It's so hard to flip the script in my mind so that I am genuinely not calling people out; rather, I am calling them up. It's a constant grind of intentionality and great conscientiousness, but it's worth it. I'm a better dad, a better boss, a better leader, and a better person because of it.

What's your tendency? Are you more about calling your people out or calling your people up?