It takes two things to become a great leader: (1) A person who earnestly and intentionally wants to be developed to be a better leader; and (2) Someone who is going to meet them where they are to help them grow to the next level.

You can read here, where I unpacked point #1; now, let's unpack #2.

The concept that people are self-feeders and will rise to a Rockstar leadership level on their own is a myth and unicorn. You can't intentionally address and improve things you're not aware of. Knowing your strengths and weaknesses and how you need to improve isn't enough. You need someone else….

I had served in the Army as an enlisted paratrooper, went to college full-time, and then went back into the Army as an officer and pilot. As I progressed in my career as a pilot, officer, and soldier, I was quickly chomping at the bit to be the "best of the best." I didn't want just to be a great pilot in the "big Army", I wanted to be where my mettle was truly tested, where officers/aviators volunteered and tried out to be in the most elite helicopter unit that existed in the Department of Defense. So, I attempted, repeatedly, to get an assessment to try out. After beating on their door enough, I finally was accepted to "try-out" and passed their challenging assessment, and I made the team. I was accepted probably younger in years and in aviation time than most – so even though I was underqualified, what was important was that I had made it. From there, now that I was in the "Unit," I put my head down and focused solely on "how fast can I climb the ladder to get to the top – to be the best of the best in this elite group?" 

I did it quickly. Within eight years of being on active duty as a pilot – and after only being in this elite unit for just less than three years – I did it…I was at one of the top spots where an officer and a pilot could be in this unit. But then, what's next? I still have so many years to retire? Where's the next challenge? Where's the next title and accolade to obtain? So, what did I do? I submitted my paperwork to resign my commission as an officer/pilot and started my exit to leave the Army. In my mind, there was no huge accomplishment to come after achieving this top position. Now that I had checked this “achievement box”, I was done – I was going to leave.

There are three points to be made here, and each one builds on itself – with point #3 being the most important and relevant to this article:

1.     I wasn't that good at what I did to be where I was in my career; nor to be a top leader in this unit. So much of how I got there was feverishly clawing and fighting to get to that point in my career. Candidly, I wasn't a "natural" pilot. Other people I worked with were, but I wasn't. BUT, I was going to work as hard as anyone to get there – to get to this quote and unquote "coveted" spot in this elite unit. 

2.     How selfish. I can almost throw up reflecting on this point. Me getting to this top position in this elite unit wasn't about me emptying my cup and doing all I could do to lead other people well, nor to help execute missions successfully for an organization that was answering to the top military leadership for the country. It was for me. It was for me to feel good about me. For me to have credentials, prestige, and esteem so that I could show the world (and, as important, probably more important, to show me) that I could hang with the varsity and be one of the "go-to" leaders. 

3.     The most important point? I didn't get there on my own. In fact, I got to where I was in this top leadership position because of other people pouring into me. I had seasoned veterans, pilots, and leaders that, when I arrived at this elite unit, looked at me and thought, "he has promise, we believe in him, he's going to work hard, he wants it, so let's invest deeply in him." And they did, way more than I deserved. I ended up getting this top spot in this amazing unit because key leaders groomed me, developed me, and believed in me. This point, this paragraph, pretty much eradicates any truth to a handful of sentences ago when I said, "I worked so hard to get to where I did." Yeah, I worked hard; but I was met – eagerly so – with leaders who showed that they were going to empty their cup into me so I could rise up with huge increased amounts of leadership and responsibility. That's not how I would have said it when I submitted my paperwork to resign from the Army; but I do now. I now realize the sacrifice and the investment those guys made to help me grow and obtain success. 

I could back up the train on the tracks up a bit further – how my commanders in the regular Army groomed me and pushed me to try out for this elite unit. I could back up the train up even further still, to show how military leaders from my enlisted days, or professors in college, or family members had coached me and essentially said, "You got this. Go get it. Go get after that rich life. Go figure out you; and we are here to help." But I didn't get that years ago, but I do now.

I have since gone back to those key leaders in that elite unit. I have apologized. I said I'm sorry for resigning right after I got "my title" and left you high-and-dry." And you know what their response was? I'm paraphrasing, but it was essentially something like this: "Don't worry about it. We love you. You are good. We are for you. And we've always known you have a lot to offer to the world." Ouch. And, thank you. AND, I'm so crazy blessed – for their loving response after I apologized for being so selfish.

A quick digression: For the record, if you look at my LinkedIn profile and see that I spent many more years in the Army than eight years, I did. I withdrew my paperwork to leave the Army because 9/11 happened when my resignation paperwork was sitting on my top commander's desk It hadn’t been officially signed yet. Days after 9/11, I stopped the paperwork and ended up staying on Active Duty until 2005. A lot of people think and say, "how brave, you stayed in for our country, for the team, for your duty." Yes, that’s true, I do love my country and wanted to help; but I would be kidding myself (and you) if I didn’t admit a huge part of me stayed for the challenge, for the accolades, for prestige, and for esteem.

Enough of the digression, and getting back to the amazing people that have poured into me. Since my days in that elite unit, the investment in me hasn't stopped. I have countless business leaders, managers, pastors, counselors, friends, and coaches that have been insanely intentional about pouring into me. Case in point, I have a personal board of advisors for me and my business that give me good counsel at least a few times a month. I have a group of pastors that I meet with monthly that pour into me. And, what is critically important, I have a coach that I meet with every Friday. This coach is actively present to guide, develop, and inspire me to something greater. He is there to continue to ask the tough questions that I may want to avoid. He is there to help me to better know myself, so I can better lead myself, so that that I can lead others around me better. To lead people better than I thought I could. To lead people better than I should, maybe. But my coach wants that for me – he wants me to be the best version of me so that I can give the best version to those in my sphere of influence. All with the driving motivation for me to empty my cup for other people (not for my namesake, not for my esteem, and not for my accolades). 

Bottom line, we (as individuals) need to do the insanely intentional hard and deep work to lead ourselves, so we can know ourselves; but we can't lead other people in a great fashion if we aren't also being insanely intentional in seeking coaching from others. We cannot be transformational leaders if we don't get a lot of help. To do otherwise is a unicorn. It, simply, doesn't exist.