It was a super hard season. There was a ton on my plate, and my health was not in a great state for a variety of reasons:

• I had a lot of responsibility at work with respect to personnel and budget; and there were a lot of tension points within the people that I was leading.

• My kids were super young; and, therefore, super needy – as they should be as young human beings.

• I was volunteering in a number of different areas in the community, and it felt like I had to follow through on these commitments – even though I volunteered for all of them.

It was a weekday evening, and the family dinner was done. My wife was going to go out with a girlfriend, and I was going to quarterback the kids’ showers, toothbrushing, and bedtime.

But I couldn’t. I was empty – I was out of gas.

I walked downstairs, and I stood by my wife.

And I started crying. Slow tears rolled down my cheeks.

This didn’t happen often. Almost never.

She looked panicked. She said, “Doug, what’s wrong?!” Behind her panic was deep, concerning curiosity. I responded, in between the tears, “I feel like I need a break. I am out of gas. I’m tapped out. I just can’t QB the kids tonight. I’m so sorry, but can you cancel your plans tonight? Can you take care of the kids?”

My wife didn’t hesitate for a minute, not a second, not even a nano-second. She just said, “Of course.” I felt bad because she rarely makes those kinds of plans to break away and go out with a friend – where she gets her own break from the responsibilities of the world. But I felt desperate. I just needed to go and get some space and chill out. So I went up to my bedroom, cried a bit, prayed a lot, and fell asleep.

I have one observation, one disclaimer, a bottom line, a question, and then a wrap-up:

The Observation: My wife was so sweet, willing, and helpful. She jumped in, and it was awesome. I know that observation is obvious, but I wanted to point it out because, well, she’s my wife – and she is amazing. 

The Disclaimer:  There are a lot of other points and subpoints that could be teased out from my short story I just walked you through. It could be whether running out of gas on my end was self-inflicted, thereby creating all this tension and unneeded stress in my life. It could be around having appropriate boundaries with work and volunteering. Or we could walk down a rabbit trail and conduct a deep dive into subpar management with my team, and that’s where the tension was coming from at work. If I’m being honest, those could all be valid points and subpoints. But instead, I just want to focus on one thing… 

The Bottom Line: I needed help, and I asked for it – and I had somebody who was totally willing to jump in and provide help. It was so soothing to get that relief and a gift that I will never forget.

The Question: Why do we wait so long to ask for help? Why do we put off the need for aid until we’re in dire straits? Maybe you are thinking, “That’s not me; I always ask for help?” But that’s not the case with most people. In fact, it’s the exception to the rule. I love the book Influence Is Your Superpower by Harvard Professor and author Zoe Chance. Zoe says, “Just ask.” She says it’s so important to do, but most people don’t. According to Zoe and her robust research, most people want to help. They truly want to help people in need. Yes, human beings want to jump in and give relief. They want to contribute and feel like they were purposeful in helping another human being. You could argue that my wife helped me just because she’s my wife, but she would’ve done it for just about anyone. She would’ve jumped in and said, “of course, I will help you.”

The Wrap-up: Everything I am saying applies to your personal life, but it also applies to your business or professional life. In a sense, your gas tank drives all the activity in your life, both at home and at work. When you are out of gas, you are out of gas – plain and simple. But let me hone in on the business leaders just for a second: As business leaders, we too often think that it’s up to us to not only be in control of the decisions but also to drive the execution of those decisions. We don’t delegate nearly as much as we should. We don’t empower others around us enough by giving them projects or tasks that would be helpful to the team. We don’t ask those that we are leading to help YOU – the leader; because we, as leaders, think it’s taboo to ask people under our leadership for help. We need to excise that kind of thinking. On page 65 of her book, Zoe says, “Most people don’t realize how often they’re not asking until they start asking more often.” The point being, start asking. You will see that people will lean in willingly to provide support – they, and YOU, will feel good about it!

There are some nuances to who and how to ask for help (based on influence and relationship); but I will address that in a future article. For the time being, know that you have a vast network of people in your life, both personally and professionally, so just ask for help. Ditch any of those exaggerated and distorted thoughts that you’re taking advantage of people, or they don’t want to help you, or falsely assume that the answer will be “no”. Instead, as Zoe says, Just Ask.