My Legacy Is Not MY Legacy

I thought I was just a top-level leader for years. It’s because I was a high performer, by most “career” or “industry” or “business” standards. I was given goals and objectives (and oftentimes, I even helped create those goals and objectives), and I pulled them through to completion. I was successful in accomplishing whatever those high aspirations, or those high goals, were. I was a high performer.

But ultimately, when I would achieve those goals, it was mostly about me. I pushed, controlled, intimidated, influenced – sometimes inspired – to get to “goal completion.” Once in a while, I would lightly cross into the realm of what it looked like to be a “servant leader,” but for the most part, it was mostly about me.

Years later, as I matured, grew, learned, and progressed, I thought I had arrived at what it meant to be a leader. I was leading other people because I was thinking about them as much as I was thinking about me. I was leaning in more toward being a leader who was thinking about outcomes, successes, and accolades outside of myself. I wanted “high performance,” not just for me but for those around me.

But my “learning” didn’t stop there. I kept leaning more and more into the thought, “Hmmm…I think this ‘leadership’ thing is less about me than I thought before…I truly think it’s more about the rest of the group, the organization, and the community, than I realized.” Candidly, I felt like I had kind of “arrived” in truly grasping “leadership.”

I felt like I had become that selfless leader who thought more about the team and their successes and benefits than my own. I wanted to have a “LEADERSHIP LEGACY” that demonstrated that. 

I wanted to have a history and a lineage that other people would look back and say, “Doug was a really good leader. He was a really good guy. He really did care about other people more than he cared about himself. HE GOT LEADERSHIP.”

Just when I thought I had gotten it right, I got a reality check.

Not too long ago, I went to a leadership retreat. The guy who started this retreat was an incredible leader. He and I were pretty tight. He had mentored me for years. During this particular retreat, during the keynote talk, he shared a conversation he had recently had with his wife. They were profoundly discussing purpose and what really mattered. My mentor and friend told his wife, “At the end of my life, I want to look back and say that my life mattered.”

What he said resonated with me. It wasn’t probably that earth-shattering to me or others in the room. But it made sense. We could relate. We would say, “Yeah, me too. I want to live a life that means something big and significantly contributes to the world.”

My mentor continued sharing his conversation. In my opinion, what he shared next was very vulnerable and transparent. It was very profound. It hit me like a ton of bricks.

His wife responded to him and said, “I guess that’s good. But at the end of my life, I want to know that I helped others know that their lives mattered.“

Drop the microphone.

Before I go on, let me say this – his wife wasn’t trying to “one-up” him. She is an incredible woman who shared her unfiltered thoughts in an existential conversation with her best friend and husband, and it was a “drop the mic” moment.

This is servant leadership in its most accurate form.

This is truly selfless leadership. This is truly emptying your cup. This is truly fighting for the highest possible good of those around you. This is the epitome of leadership. 

I don’t want to imply that I have this nailed down. I don’t. But now I’m thinking about it every day. For RethinkWork, for this team of small boutique consultant leaders, this is the number one question that we ask ourselves every day: “Are we helping people around us to know that their lives matter?”

So here are a few questions for you: What drives you as a leader? What is driving you to be a great leader? How do you want to end your time with the organization you are working at? How do you want to end your career? What do you hope to accomplish at the end of it all? What difference do you hope you have made in the organization, in your industry, with your people?