Is self-preservation undermining your leadership and influence?
This was going to be the biggest mission that I ever did as an elite soldier, officer, and pilot. I would be leading hundreds of special operations, top-tier commandos across an enemy border – going deep into enemy territory in the middle of the night. None of the air defense and the enemy side was going to be taken out before we went in.
Without question, it was going to be a messy mission.
Since I was leading the flight of over ten aircraft, I was giving the air mission brief to all the aviation special operators and the ground elements' key leaders. Additionally, all the top brass from the joint forces would be there since this was kicking off one of the biggest military campaigns that most of us had ever seen.
The briefing was going to be over 100 PowerPoint slides to 100 key leaders, and it was going to be over three hours long. This was the biggest stage I'd ever been on, and probably the biggest I would ever get to be on.
Let me set the stage for you a bit more…
There I was, standing in my unorthodox uniform. It was a Special Ops Aviator uniform. We didn't have rank, just our name and blood type. We didn't have any unit patches or American flags. We had a lot of Velcro on the sleeve to put on glint tape (a patch that would illuminate under IR light and night vision devices), and that was about it.
Let me tell you how I finished "accessorizing" my uniform: I had my own groovy hiking boots (non-military issue). I had my sleeves rolled up. I was wearing my "Life Is Good" visor" with Oakley sunglasses sitting on top. I had a couple of inappropriate patches that were Velcroed to my shoulders. Lastly, I hadn't shaved in a couple of days.
I am the guy briefing the top leaders of the United States military in this area of the world just prior to an invasion that's about to happen, and what I described is exactly what I looked like. Back then, if you ask me, "Why? Why would you dress like that?" I would've said, "We don't focus on uniforms and other basic stuff in this unit. We focus on the mission and on getting things done. Therefore, it doesn't matter what I look like."
But if I'm being totally honest, I was intentionally trying not to "play the part" of a conventional soldier. I was trying to look unique. I was trying to act like one of the guys in a special operations Hollywood movie where the protagonist has some underlying antagonist behaviors. You know, the hero who can't abide by the rules. The guy who doesn't want to form to structure. The character that is "so out there radical," but it serves him well because he doesn't care about the minutia.
How short-sighted I was. How immature for a leader who has racked up a lot of missions and respect; to toss it away in a high-level meeting just to prove something that doesn't need to be proven.
As I write this, it's pretty embarrassing.
Hours later after the briefing was done, it's nighttime, and we're checking on all the airplanes, ensuring the equipment and gear are ready to go before we launch. My commander comes pulling up in a six-wheel gator. I can tell by his posture that he is a bit defeated. He says to me, "I just got my tail chewed by a bunch of high-level officers because the Flight Lead of this mission is up on stage, looking like he's dressed for a Hollywood-made military movie." He pauses, catches his breath, and finishes his thoughts: "I get you need things to go your own way and to be your own person, but sometimes I just wish you could be in my shoes and see what it feels like to have to defend that kind of stuff." Then he pulled away.
I'm sure you can expect how little I felt. And he wasn't trying to make me feel little to beat me down. He was beaten down because of my lack of professionalism. If I could have a "do-over," I would do it in a heartbeat. He was one of the best leaders I've ever had. Not just in the military, but in business, pastoral work, and anywhere I've known.
Here's the bottom line: My attempt to show that we don’t focus on basic soldiering things distracted the team from being focused on the mission. I was trying to show that I'm a big deal, that I make my own decisions, and that I'm a strong leader that doesn't succumb to silly rules. By doing this, I ended up taking focus away from the mission.
Candidly, it's a crazy case study in self-preservation, self-centeredness, and (in keeping it real) trying to "be cool.” It ended up backfiring on the most important, bigger picture of teamwork, unity, and mission.
My actions lost mission focus.
I'd like to say that after that day, I stopped behaving that way. Truthfully, it has been more of a journey of self-awareness and honest reflection on what kind of leader I used to be, what kind of leader I am today, and what kind of leader I want to grow into.
In helping to journey forward with that, and to help you jump into that journey for yourself as a leader, here are three questions to ask yourself:
What are you afraid of losing?
What are you trying to hide?
What are you trying to prove?
When I answer those questions reflecting back to that moment on the stage in front of over 100 high-level, skilled operators and military leaders, my answers aren't that positive – and my responses reflect that I was deeply entrenched in self-preservation and self-centeredness.
But I'm learning. I'm striving to become a leader who isn't afraid of losing anything, has nothing to hide, and isn’t trying to prove anything.
I'm trying to not give up my influence because I have a wall of self-preservation that is undermining myself and the team.
Take the time, and ask yourself those questions. You owe it to yourself and your team to do a self-audit. Hopefully, you come out on the other side with learnings to be a better leader.