What kind of leader are you?
I was kind of shocked when I got the survey results back. Out of the numerous workshops we did as leadership consultants, the one that was the most adored was what I would categorize as the more “touchy-feely” workshop.
These executives are a bunch of “go-getters.” Let me say that a little more emphatically—they are “GO-GETTERS.” They are running and gunning as fast as possible, growing their business within their industry and growing the market altogether. They are impressive.
And so, when we got the results back from the survey, I thought they would love other workshops more than the soft-skills workshop. I thought they would give higher ratings to the workshop on mission/vision clarity, or executive role clarity, or accountability throughout the organization, or how to execute highly-functional and efficient meetings. They liked all that stuff – quite a bit; but hands down, the soft skills workshop was their favorite.
When I got the reviews, it made me ponder, inwardly. I became a bit introspective and thought about my biggest learnings in leadership over the past number of years. And then it hit me. Duh. My biggest leadership learnings have been over the soft-skills stuff. My biggest gains in becoming a more effective leader were around the touchy stuff.
My introspection and reflection reminded me of a book I loved from a handful of years ago. It’s a book called “Shackleton’s Way.” It’s a true story about an explorer, ship captain, leader, and, dare I say, hero. A hero because, through his leadership, he was able to return from an exploration that should have killed all his men – and, because of his leadership, he ended up saving numerous lives. They shouldn’t have made it back alive after being shipwrecked well over 1,000 miles from civilization, but they did because of his leadership. And, for clarity, there were a number of “leadership things” he did to get his men back home, but there’s one principle that I feel was the most monumental in his intentional leadership that saved lives. This one principle was so impactful for me that I have gone back and reread this book multiple times. This one principle has helped shape, and reshape, some of my own, personal leadership tenets. Without further delay, here it is:
“Shackleton gave his men constant feedback, praising their efforts and correcting their mistakes.”[1]
What? That’s it?! Give constant feedback? Praise and correct?
Yes. That’s it. It’s super simple to say and grasp, and yet it’s bananas hard to execute on.
Let me expand by explaining how we (me too) usually don’t get this right. We tend to lead in one of three ways that are missing the mark on what Shackleton described:
1. We dominate. This is where we are really, really good at giving feedback that is corrective. We are really good at correcting mistakes. We are really good about pointing out how someone hit a triple, BUT they didn’t hit a home run…and if they had just hit the ball harder, they would’ve hit a home run. Dominate doesn’t say things like, “Wow, I thought you were going to maybe get a double…but you dug in, ran hard, and squeaked out a triple! Great job!” In fact, most of these leaders are anemic with any praise towards their direct reports. From this, they create a team, and an environment, that is all about having a vibe of fear. It’s, quite bluntly, where direct reports are walking around never expecting “good” to be “good enough.” The team is wondering what other fear tactic the boss is going to use to manipulate the group to produce more. The worst part about this is, oftentimes, the dominate leader praises his/her leadership style as one that is super effective – that they “get things done,” even if it creates some unpleasantries on the team, or causes a few performance plans to be created to get people to perform better. It’s sad to say, but this is my default. This was my innate, go-to leadership style for years…and years…and years.
2. We protect. This is the opposite of dominate. This is where we cheerlead all the time. Where we tell all of our people how great they are – even to the underperformers. We tell Bob, who’s truly crushing his sales goals, “Great job, you are so awesome; the team couldn’t be doing what we are doing without you!” Which, is true. Bob is crushing it. Then we tell Jack, who is half-checked out in team meetings, and who is way behind quota, “Great job, you are so awesome; the team couldn’t be doing what we are doing without you!” Bob is sitting there thinking, “What the heck? I’m killing it for Doug and this organization…and he’s giving Jack the same praise he’s giving me?” What we don’t do when we are leading this way is give critical feedback that is going to challenge someone to be better. To be better for themselves in their job, to be better for the team, to be better for the business. We avoid giving that kind of honest – but needed – feedback. It’s a hot mess of a culture when you lead this way. It creates a team where people, like Jack, feel entitled (i.e., where Jack thinks, “I’m part of this team, they are lucky to have me, so I deserve the accolades that come along with me being part of this team”). People like Bob feel there’s no trust and integrity in doing good, or great, work (i.e., Bob thinks, “Is Jack going to get a 5.6% pay raise too, even though he was a sub-performer?”). This, by the way, is the opposite of my innate default. Remember, I am wired to be a “dominate leader.” But guess what I did? After realizing I was a dominate leader, and feeling really bad about it, I knee-jerked reacted and became a “protector.” Yes, I became the opposite of what I was normally like (which was not a good leader) and became, well, a not very good leader…just in an opposite way from how I usually was.
This is hard to write. If you are cringing, for me, it’s okay. I’m cringing too. And, to be honest, you are probably cringing more for the direct reports who worked under me than you are actually cringing for me. Me too.
But wait, I’m not done. There’s one more junky, non-Shackleton way of leading. And, if there’s one thing I can have a low-grade brag about, it’s that I haven’t camped out too often in this style of leadership.
3. We abdicate. This is where we don’t do either. We don’t cheerlead or celebrate our people, and we don’t give needed feedback for improvement. We are, simply, just “there.” We are just in a leadership role by position, but we aren’t really influencing anybody or any initiatives towards celebration nor improvement. This creates a culture of apathy where nobody cares because the boss doesn’t seem to care – where nobody really has any expectations other than to, merely, exist. You could be thinking, “how could a leader end up in this state, where they are justifying leading in this way?” It happens all the time. I’ll give you one example with one statement that generally captures how leaders with this style think it is a good type of leadership: “My people know what to do. I stay out of their way. They get their job done without much fanfare; and everybody loves it that way.” Ummm…no, they don’t. They don’t love it that way. They want to know the real target so that they can hit the bullseye to win. And, when they hit the bullseye, they want recognition for it. Real recognition: Promotions, pay raises, awards, pats on the back, to be mentioned in the quarterly meeting by the CEO, etc.
There’s a different way to lead. A better way. The best way. It’s not natural for me, and the reality is that it’s probably not natural for you. In fact, your natural way is probably one of the aforementioned three styles of leadership: Dominate, Protect, or Abdicate. This fourth, and best, way to lead takes a lot of intentionality. I mean, A LOT of intentionality. But it’s the best way. Without further delay, here it is:
LIBERATE. Yes, liberate. Be a liberating leader. This is a leader who is a cheerleader, who is supportive, and who celebrates his/her people. As a liberating leader, you are empowering your people with your encouragement (i.e., “Great job on the triple…I knew you could do that!“). And, at the same time, you are challenging your people to greater opportunity for themselves and for the team (i.e., “a lot of base-runners couldn’t have turned that triple into a home run, but I think you could have. If you had hit the inner edge of the bags on first, second and third base, you may have been able to make it to home plate. It’s just something to think about for next time.”). Obviously, the support and challenge have to be genuine. It can’t always be a “great job” followed quickly by a “but you can do greater!”. That feels yuck, non-genuine, and manipulative. It almost feels like a combination of a leader that is wearing bits and pieces of domination, protection and abdication. But, if you, as a leader, are really being intentional about fighting for the highest possible good in the lives of those you lead, you will find the genuine (and accurate) things to encourage/cheerlead/celebrate, and to challenge/critique/improve. This is a liberating leader. This is the Shackleton way of leading in a way that motivates men to fight for their lives, and make it home again. It sounds easy. Even saying it out loud, or in this case, typing it, makes it sound easy: He gave his men constant feedback, praising their efforts and correcting their mistakes. But it’s tough work.
I like to explain this concept to my clients with a great visual tool created by GiANT Worldwide, the “Support-Challenge Matrix.” The Support-Challenge Matrix works on the idea that the best leaders are those who understand how to accurately use support and challenge with those they lead. This means the leader knows when to bring an appropriate level of support – encouragement, training, resources, etc. – and when to call their people up to a higher level of work, bringing accountability, standards, deadlines, and constructive criticism to the table when appropriate. They create a healthy culture of empowerment and growth where people are challenged to be the best they can be. The resulting environment is a culture of empowerment where people are challenged to be the best they can be, while also receiving the opportunity to be stretched beyond their comfort zone for personal and professional growth.
But how many leaders fight for the highest possible good of others? I know I didn’t live this out, for years. And, I’m fighting hard with extreme intentionality to get this right every day. It’s hard work, but it’s worth it. As with all great journeys, the path to becoming a liberating leader starts with a single step: self-awareness.
What kind of leader are you? Do you tend to protect, abdicate or dominate?
[1] Margot Morrell, Stephanie Capparell, and Alexandra Shackleton, Shackleton’s Way: Leadership Lessons from the Great Antarctic Explorer (New York: Penguin Books, 2002), 115.