We excel at deceiving ourselves. What does this mean? We tend to create a story about ourselves that is often inaccurate. Our story typically portrays us in the best possible light. It usually casts us as the hero and the person we clashed with in a conflict/argument/debate as the villain. Alternatively, it may depict us as the most intelligent individual, having successfully persuaded our teammates or boss that our approach was superior to theirs. This skill comes naturally to us.

We’re really good at this. 

I am really good at this. I acknowledge my talent for self-deception.

I am still redoing the narratives I have built for myself about myself, my performance, my personality, my strengths and gifts, and even my weaknesses. These narratives often depict me as a superhero, outshining others around me. Depending on your personality type, you may embrace these narratives more passionately than others. For instance, as a Pioneer, Enneagram 8, and Red temperament, I tend to embellish my stories to portray myself in a favorable light, more than the average person. And yet, despite personality differences, everyone tends to create narratives that enhance their image. This behavior aligns with the social attribution theory, where we offer ourselves leniency, such as blaming traffic for being late to a meeting, yet judge others harshly for the same behavior.

While 90% of people believe they are self-aware, only 10% truly exhibit self-awareness. Surprisingly, when faced with this fact, most individuals see themselves in the smaller “self-aware” category. For example, in a group of 10 people asked about their self-awareness, 9 out of 10 would assert they are self-aware. However, in truth, only 1 out of 10 individuals display authentic self-awareness, revealing our inclination to deceive ourselves.

Ultimately, the question is: Are you self-aware?

Equally essential, are you a critical thinker who is seeking the absolute truth? 

Becoming self-aware is probably one of the hardest things to do in life. But it also will be one of the most important things you can do to become the best leader that you can be. And to become the best business person that you can be. And to become the best spouse, or friend, or neighbor you can be. Becoming self-aware – truly self-aware – will move you towards health in so many ways, and probably more than anything else in life. Instead of fortifying and getting entrenched around your narrative, you should be asking – with critical thinking – what are all the variables that are playing out to give me the perspective I have? And what am I missing because of my biased opinions and my unique personality that’s going to have me trapped in judging somebody else unfairly and/or have me putting myself into a better light unjustly? 

The outcomes of this approach should start becoming clear by now. In order to have the most effective team, successful business, and strong relationships, it's crucial to understand the real narrative—the truthful narrative. If you're advocating for an inaccurate narrative, you're not only missing out on what's truly beneficial for you and the business, but you're also wasting excessive energy defending something that isn't genuine.

Ultimately, this is renewing your mind and thinking of things differently so that you can get a better, more accurate, and truthful narrative. This will help you be liberated to not feel the yoke of defending your perspective because the truth is the truth is the truth – and that’s good for everyone. This, from a nautical perspective, is tacking into the wind. Instead of going against the wind with your entrenched false narratives that make you look like you have it all together (which nobody does have it all together), you’re going with the wind and illuminating truth that makes business, relationships, and life easy. 

I have uncovered many of my past stories and have shifted towards finding common ground with those who hold differing views. Sometimes, when I approach situations with humility, critical thinking, and curiosity, I don't just meet others halfway but fully embrace their perspective.

Consider this: What untrue beliefs do you feed yourself? Have you successfully challenged any of these misconceptions? This takes guts, humility, curiosity, and intentionality. But you can do it. You owe it to yourself, your team, your business, and your relationships.