Setting Expectations: Wait, people can't read my mind?
Recently, I led a Leadership Retreat for 2 ½ days with over 70 participants. Supported by an exceptional leadership team, we successfully managed the event. As the retreat concluded, a team member was tasked with outlining the next steps for the participants after an intense exploration of leadership and self-awareness. After an exhaustive and profound experience, everyone was understandably fatigued as we closed the event.
Before I proceed, I want to make it clear that the person I selected to present the "next steps" to the audience is an exceptional leader.
What were my expectations? He will deliver a concise, engaging, 3-minute executive summary that is clear and inspiring. The summary should be energetic and motivational, considering the audience is tired and eager to return home. My goal was for people to be "commissioned" to do amazing things based on what they learned in the past few days once they returned home. It was crucial to precisely show how the content of the past few days could be applied practically in their daily lives as they departed. We aimed to conclude flawlessly and leave a lasting impact.
What was his actual action? He spent five times longer than necessary explaining the next steps. The communication needed more clarity, particularly in linking his words to the one-pager we handed out and then to the PowerPoint slide on the screen. Gradually, the participants were losing focus with each passing minute.
Why was there such a gap between what he should have done (in my opinion) and what he actually did? The gap existed because I never communicated my expectations. I just expected him to do what I wanted and do it exactly how I wanted it.
There was a notable disparity between what I believed should be done and what occurred. This gap arose because I failed to articulate my expectations. Instead, I assumed that he would carry out tasks precisely as I envisioned them. We didn't discuss expectations beforehand. The specific appearance, tone, and duration needed to be clarified. We overlooked the fact that participants would likely feel drained after two and a half days of intense training.
In simple terms, I had high expectations for his actions, yet I failed to communicate them. Moreover, my expectations were unrealistic, maybe even impossible. Why? Because the leader I tasked with sharing the "next steps" with the audience cannot read minds. No one can. He did what he believed was right and followed my request to provide the "next steps." However, since he couldn't read my mind about how it should sound and appear, it's understandable that he couldn't align his presentation to meet my expectations.
The majority of conflicts stem from unmet expectations. However, it's unfair to hold others accountable for expectations that haven't been clearly communicated. A friend, mentor, and co-founder of GiANT – Jeremie Kubicek – says, "Unmet expectations equal premeditated bitterness."
Landing the proverbial plane poorly at the end of the retreat could have been avoided if we had walked through with a little more preparation outlining what "great" should sound like. But what happened to me happens A LOT in the business world. How do we avoid that from happening again?
Allow me to introduce you to a tool from GiANT that I love – The Expectation Scale. Despite its simplicity, this tool is undeniably brilliant. It sheds light on the essential questions we should ask ourselves, starting with "What are my expectations for the people in my world? "Are these expectations realistic, unrealistic, or even impossible? In times when I'm feeling unhealthy or stressed, I might become a bit of a dominant leader, setting unrealistic expectations for my people. To add extra mayhem to the mix during those times of stress, I short-circuit my communications, thereby putting my people in a position where they need to figure things out on their own. This, as you can guess, sets them up to not meet the expectations I have in mind.
On the other hand, some leaders tend to lean towards being resigned or having limited expectations of their team members. In such cases, they may not challenge their people to excel or to drive the business forward.
We all fall at various points on the Expectation Scale, depending on how healthy we are, our personality, and our level of intentionality. Conducting a thorough and honest assessment of your thoughts and expectations towards your team plays a crucial role. Holding yourself accountable involves evaluating your expectations for your team and the business, ensuring alignment and progress.
We excel at setting expectations, but we are not very good at gauging how realistic they are. It's common for us to deceive ourselves, believing our expectations are reasonable when, in reality, they often lean towards being unattainable or overly pessimistic. Our goal should be to align our expectations accurately in the middle ground, neither too low nor too high. And when we find that sweet spot right in the middle, where our expectations are realistic, we need to ensure that we communicate them clearly. We need to fight for clarity so that we are avoiding premeditated bitterness.
Here are three questions to help you reflect on your expectations:
What are your expectations for the people in your world?
What are your expectations of your people and your world on the scale above?
And also, as important as anything else, have you communicated your expectations clearly?
Reflecting on these questions enables you to establish expectations that are realistic and effectively communicated, resulting in positive outcomes and stronger relationships.